Finding Friends in Two New Books

Go to any park, preschool, or some of the indoor playgrounds and you are sure to hear the words, “Go play.” We are so quick to say those words as if  playing with others is completely natural and stress free.  For some children, it is as easy as can be, but for others, it is not. Some children struggle because they are set in their ways and how they think things should be; they have trouble playing by a different set of rules.  Others, for whatever reason, find themselves rejected by other children. We so casually ask children about their friends, but not every child has a friend and some desperately yearn for one. 

I am constantly learning more about how children view friends and friendship. Just the other day I heard one girl tell another, “Try your oranges and I’ll be your best friend.”  I heard a boy, who was playing across the room, yell to another child, “I had that first. I won’t be your best friend.”  Being a friend is used as a threat or a promise.  Children may not see friendship as long term commitments and neither do some adults. Think how quick we are to move to another place, change a child’s class and say, “You’ll make new friends.”

All of this reflecting about friendship brings me to two new books, the first is Bear in Love by David Pinkwater and illustrated by Will Hillenbrand. The second is  Lovabye Dragon by Barbara Joosse and illustrated by Randy Cecil.

The bear in Bear in Love finds small treats left for him by a secret admirer; someone who knows what he likes and cares for him.  Even the art in this book makes you feel good.  Read it to children to help them understand that doing for others, things others like, is one way to be a friend.  Follow up with a discussion of what friends can do to build friendships. You can have this discussion once a week and it will still be meaningful to at least one child. Since children are so self centered, it could be valuable to have the children draw pictures of what kinds of things make them feel good. This will help others better understand what the friends like and may help them see differences. One friend my like to have help with a puzzle, while another likes to do puzzles by himself. One child may like noisy games, another quiet ones. 

In Lovabye Dragon, the girl and dragon in the story are both looking for someone to love them back. One day a dragon follows a trickle of tears to the little girl.  When they met they both understand this is the person for which they have been looking. Children need to know that finding a friend is not always easy. This story helps with that. While I understand this book was written with the child who wants a friend in mind, but I think it would be a wonderful adoption day gift.