Shy Children

Shy Charles, by Rosemary Wells, is the story of a very shy mouse. He overcomes his shyness when someone needs his help. This story may help shy children realize that others feel shy too. Maybe some of the children will share about times when they felt shy. It is amazing how much children relate to and can learn from the experiences of other children. You might want to start by telling about a time when you felt very shy and what you did. Discuss that it is ok for people to watch what is going, or ask questions about what they should do. Be sensitive not to attract too much attention to a very shy child as that may make the problem worse.

Here are just a few more ideas to help a shy child.

• 
  Set up several play areas in your classroom where two children can play.
• 
  Provide opportunities for children to work in pairs for projects.
• 
  Find ways to match socially competent children with the shy child. If these children become friends it will build the esteem and skills of the shy child. Sometimes it may be better to pair two shy children together, so one child does not overwhelm the other. Learn to know the child, so can provide the appropriate pairing.
• 
  Find ways to allow shy children to contribute without speaking.
• 
  Find the talents of the shy child and and use them to build confidence.
• 
  Develop a strong relationship with the shy child.
• 
  Give the shy child a job to do. Start with low risk jobs such as picking up something you drop, closing a door, and then move to "harder" jobs.
• 
  If the child is hesitant to talk to you directly, use puppets.
• 
  Prepare all children for new events, visitors, or field trips. Provide extra support beforehand by allowing the child to be near you or another adult. Make sure he knows to come to you if he is starting to be afraid.
• 
  Do direct teaching of social skills. Teach what to do in various social situation. Demonstrate what to do if someone takes your crayon or pushes in front of you. Watch to make sure the shy child does not become a victim of aggressive children.
• 
  Observe and document behaviors. If necessary, refer the child for evaluation of a special need or social emotional support. Don't hesitate to ask for professional help. If your child already has an IEP or support plan, reread it for more information which may help you address the needs of the child.

When Adults Get Angry

It happens, we all get angry. Dealing with children on a daily basis brings many rewards, but is also has frustrations. What can we do, so that we can better handle our anger and best be role models to children? I'm by no means an expert, but I have learned a few things through the years. Most of these ideas are good for parents as well as teachers.
Maybe some of them will work for you when the children are getting the best of you.

• When you feel yourself getting louder and louder make an effort to talk as quietly as you can. Whispering in a child’s ear will get his attention and de-escalate the situation.
  
• If you keep talking and no one is listening, just be quiet. Silence often gets more attention that noise.
  
• Take turns with a difficult child. If you feel yourself getting out of control, ask another adult to take over for awhile. I remember as a child I hated to have my hair washed and combed out. On day a neighbor came over and took me to her house and washed my hair and brushed out the tangles. What a treat that must have been for my mom as well as myself.
  
• Don’t take the situation personally. We all do this. We think children are just trying to make us mad, but take a step back and pretend it is someone else’s child. Depersonalize the situation. While you are doing that, take a breath and replay the conflict in your mind. It might just give you a little smile to see yourself arguing with a child as if you are both 5.. You might also discover the thing just isn’t worth fighting about. Whatever has been done, help yourself and the child move forward, by finding a solution or cleaning up the mess. Think more about teaching positive behaviors, not punishing the negative ones.
  
• Find a way to remind yourself to calm down. I used to keep a small poem on my bulletin board. It simply said, "I will not kick, I will not hit, I will not scream, I am the teacher." While I wasn’t kicking and hitting children, it did serve to remind me that I was the adult. I needed to be a role model to the children.
  
• If you are going somewhere and feel that the children are out of control, and you are too, stop and take the children back to a safe place. If you are at the grocery store, go back out to the car or go home. If you are going on a walk and no one is listening, go back inside and regroup. Discuss what needs to be done and try again.
  
• Laugh, say something funny or do something silly. It may be just what is needed to calm negative feelings. This doesn’t mean that you ignore the situation, just that you distract both yourself and the child until you can think more clearly.
  
• If anger is happening daily, talk to someone, so that you can relieve some of the stress and figure out new ways to handle the situation.

Share your ideas on handling anger and frustration.

Normalizing Divorce

Fred Stays with Me ( 2007) by Nancy Coffelt and illustrated by Tricia Tusa is a delightful, simple story about a little girl and her dog. She sometimes stays with her mom and sometimes with her dad, but she always has her dog with her. Neither mom or dad necessarily want a trouble making dog at their house, but they find a way to make it work. While I enjoyed this book, I wondered if children of divorce would and I think they would. It helps children understand that they are not alone in living in two houses and hopefully most of them have a constant with them. While it may not be a real live dog, it could be a favorite blanket or a stuffed animal. There is no judging, no feeling bad about the situation, this is just a funny, comforting story about a what has become a normal lifestyle. Divorced children will be able to feel good as they hear a story about another child living in a similar situation.

When Children Worry

Every now and then you find a child who worries about what could happen. She may worry about tornadoes, germs, and things in the night. Some children will voice these worries, while others do not speak of them. I'm not talking about those children who are living in dangerous situations or who have immediate concerns such as death of a parent. That is a topic much too difficult for me to address. But for those children who do have concerns that are serious to them, but not necessarily an immediate risk, there is much teachers and parents can do to help alleviate those concerns.

Adults need to acknowledge the child's concerns. Take time to reassure the child that you will help them and comfort them. If possible, help them do something about the concern. If they are concerned about weather emergencies, teach them what to do in case of an emergency. Sometimes worries come from children hearing the news on television or during adult conversations. Parents need to be aware of what kinds of adult information children are hearing and try to limit exposure.

Here are a few book related ideas to help children feel less anxious:

Felix the Worrier (2003) by Rosemary Wells and Wemberly Worried by Kevin Henkes are good books to get the children talking about the things that worry them. After reading these, make a class Worry Book. Children can draw about things that worry them. The teacher may start a discussion on worry by talking about her own worries. She may worry children will be get hurt if they are engaging in unsafe behaviors or whatever the current social emotional issue is at the time. Children can then help figure out things the class can do, about this concern. Teachers could do this with their children's worries. You may want to incorporate this as part of class meetings, asking children if there is anything worrying them and then working on that issue. My one caution is that you may have a few children who start to worry about things, that had never occurred to them before, so tread carefully.

If these books are read at the end of the year, they can be used to discuss worries about going to a new school. Teachers could ask the class to contribute to a book designed to help new children not be so worried about coming to preschool the next year. Another twist would be to ask children to talk about things they used to worry about, but has been resolved. So often when you help others conquer their fears, you can ease some of your own.

Silly Billy by Anthony Browne
Billy’s worries keep him up at night until his grandma gives him some worry dolls. A great story with a multi-cultural touch. This is one book I will definitely use in my classroom. It accepts the fact that children do worry about things and gives them a safe way to handle it. I like how the illustrations show Billy’s feelings.- wish he was just a little tougher looking, but both boys and girls will relate to Billy. After discussing things children worry about, give the children a chance to make their own worry dolls or if you have the time make or have a parent make dolls for the children. The children can whisper their worries to the dolls. Dolls can be made from the old fashion straight clothes pins, permanent marker, and a little yarn.

Parents could use this idea at home or they could make a worry box. Write down the child's worries, discuss what to do about the worry, and put note in a specially decorated box. This way you are acknowledging your child's concerns. It may not solve the problem, but it does show your child that you are taking time to hear their worries.

Since I started out talking about Kevin Henkes, I should mention his book, A Good Day. In this book, some unfortunate events happen to the animals at the start of the story, but by the end of the book, the bad day has turned into a good day. I think many children need to hear this theme over and over to help them gain a more positive outlook and to feel a sense of hope that things will get better. I wish I had this book when my grandson was pouting to me this summer that this bad thing or that was going to happen. He needed to hear that one disappointment didn’t necessarily mean the whole day would go wrong. If you have this book handy, you could pull it out whenever there is a class disappointment such as rain on a picnic day and then discuss ways to turn that event into something positive. If you want a humorous book along the same theme, you might want to try That’s Good! That’s Bad! By Margery Cuyler.

Share your ideas about how help children handle their worries.

Clean Up Time or Is It Pick Up and Put Away?

I don’t know about your class, but last year when I asked my group to clean up, they got out the brooms and started sweeping the floor. They also cleared the table by wiping everything to the floor. It was then I decided I needed to be more explicit in my directions. Clean Up Time was quickly renamed Pick Up and Put Away Time. So often, we just assume children know what we mean when we give instructions. This year, I am using the book Max Cleans Up to help teach what I mean about "cleaning up." In this humorous book by Rosemary Wells, Ruby works to pick up toys and put them away, but Max stuffs an assortment of objects, including gooey substances, ants, and a little sand into his pocket. Afterwards, we will discuss where an assortment of our classroom objects belong.We may make cooperative pictures to hang in the room and remind us to put things where they belong. We may even sing a few verses of "Time to put the toys, away, toys, away, toys away. Time to put the toys away. Everybody help." I should probably also take time to teach the meaning of the word everybody. I'm always amazed at the number of children who don't realize I mean them, when I say everyone or everybody. It never fails that after I tell everybody to go, one child will still be sitting there and ask, "Me?" Children can't be expected to behave in a certain way, if we as adults are not clear in our directions.

Parent Teacher Conferences

It is about that time, parents are anxious to know how their children are doing in school and teachers are beginning to have a good understanding about the skills of the children. If teachers are to create partnership with parents, it is important to put yourself in the parent's place. Parents want to hear the good news and need to hear the bad. If parents are to develop good relationships with teachers, they need to listen with an open mind and be willing to share what they know about their child.

Here are a few hints to make conferences more successful.

• Talk about the child's strengths. No one wants to be bombarded with negatives. Plus it gives a more complete picture of the child.
• Don't get into the blame game. Start from the here and now.
• Teachers need to be prepared. Observe the child, document what you see, gather work samples, and prepare paperwork beforehand. Share specific examples of what you have seen, not general comments about how the child never listens. Take time to think of resources and solutions to offer, if there is a problem you need to discuss.
• Parents, take a few minutes before the conference to observe your child, consider goals you have for your child. Talk to your child to see if he or she wants you to talk to the teacher about something. Make a list of questions.
• Allow enough time to have a full conversation about the child.
• Listen to each other. Make sure both parties have time to talk.
• Ask questions to clarify, especially when you don't agree.
• If you find what is being discussed, upsetting, take a break and ask if you can come back, in a few days, to talk again, once you have had time to consider what has been said.
• Set goals for the child, so you both are working toward the same end.
• Come up with a plan both teachers and parents can agree to use. If one person can't do it or doesn't like it, admit that up front.
• If you disagree about a behavior being a problem, remember it must be a problem for the person to bring it up. It might not be a problem for you, in your situation, but it is in the other situation. Find out why the behavior is a problem.
• Set a time for follow up, if needed.
• End on a positive note.
  

Who's Afraid? Books to Help

There’s a Nightmare in My Closet by Mercer Mayer is just one of many books that can help children talk about and overcome some of their fears. A favorite in my classroom is The Big Green Monster.

After reading a story, I like to encourage the children to talk about their fears. If my focus is monsters, we usually spend time creating monsters in the art center. I find the children especially like to make monster puppets. It gives them even more opportunities to play with monsters and in doing so they can feel more comfortable and less afraid. We often expand this activity and make up stories about our monsters. We tell what they like to eat and where they like to hide and what scares our monsters. Sometimes we make individual stories and other times we make class stories, depending upon the needs of the class. If appropriate, it would add to the learning by having the children act out the stories.

When talking about general fears, you might want to involve the parents. Send home a note asking parents to fill in the blanks. "When I was little I used to be afraid of__________, but now I____. " You can read these to the class. Think how comforting it could be to know that when Tommy’s police officer dad was a little boy, he was afraid of spiders, but now he loves to look at their webs in the morning dew. I think the best part about sharing general fears is the words of wisdom and actions that can come from the other children.. When classmates see petite Beth picking up worms, they begin to see that worms might not be as tough as they originally thought. Take time to learn about children’s fears and then you can find ways to lessen them.

Other books to help with fears:

Bump in the Night by Edward Hemingway (2008) Story of a little boy who, at bedtime hears a noise in the closet.He imagines the worst, but it is only his puppy.

Francis the Scaredy Cat by Ed Boxall (2002) Francis the cat, is afraid of the dark and what must be out there in the night. One night, Francis becomes worried that a monster in the dark has captured his friend Ben. Francis overcomes his fear to go rescue Ben.

The Scaredy Cats by Barbara Bottner, illustrated by Victoria Chess (2003)
This family of cats is scared of everything, so they do nothing. Read the story to find out what Baby Scaredy Cat has to say.

Shadows Are About by Ann Whitford Paul, illustrated by Mark Graham (1992) A simple look at how shadows are everywhere, but only when there is light. A good story to help children understand the same thing that may scare them at night is there in the daytime also.