Being a Grandparent and a Parent

I've been meeting more and more grandparents who are taking on the role of parents. I've also been learning what a big job this is. While grandparents often have lots of wisdom that younger parents don't have, it does not mean the job is without much stress. Quite frequently, when grandchildren go to live with grandparents, it is because of some type of problem in the parent's home, so the children are already at a disadvantage. Grandparents must deal with their own health problems and limitations. Some of them may be taking care of their own parents or still have older teenagers in the home. If a young child is living with a teen who is having some behavior issues, the young child often picks up on those behaviors. This only touches the surface of many of the problems which can arise.


It makes me want to go hide my head under a pillow when I think of everything these folks are dealing with. As usual I have no answers, but if you are a neighbor of friend of one of these individuals, offer to give them a break and help out in anyway you can. If you are a grandparent serving as a parent, below are a few tips which just might help.

• Find a support system. Some communities have grandparent support groups. Have a friend or neighbor, you can call for help.

• Take a parenting class. I know you know quite a bit about raising children, but times have changed. There is new information about what is appropriate for kids. You might be surprised that some of the things you worried about just aren't important.

• Attend library programs aimed at helping teach young children and parents about literacy. There is a lot you can do to get your child ready for kindergarten. You might even ask the library to start a special program just for grandparents.

• There are also new dangers that we never thought of with our own kids so take advantage of other community programs. In our area Rep. Rock is having a Family Day which will feature expert information on topics of interest, including: Child Car Seat Inspections/Installations;Child Fingerprinting for ID purposes; Crime Solvers, featuring McGruff the Crime Dog; Bicycle Rodeo (bring helmet); and Franklin County Drug and Alcohol Specialist. It will be held on Saturday, March 14, 2009 from 8:00 a.m. to noon at the Greencastle-Antrim Middle School.

• Look for resources on the Internet. Here are a few sites to get you started:

http://www.aarp.org/families/grandparents/raising_grandchild

http://ohioline.osu.edu/ss-fact/0157.html

http://www.grandparenting.org

• Whatever you do, take time to take care of yourself. Take time to do the things you like to do. If the job becomes too much or you begin to feel resentful, get some professional help. You cannot help your grandchildren if you are constantly stressed about your situation. Get help early.

If you have some tips to help grandparents, know of resources, or simply would like to talk about the topic, please feel free to leave a comment.

More about Friends

Friends can be a complicated issue for many preschoolers. At times it can be hard for some children to make friends. Some children threaten to not be a friend if things don’t go their way. Other preschoolers have difficulty understanding that you can have more than one friend. Being a new child in school can be especially difficult for some children. The following books may help children in your class build their understanding of being a friend and accepting new friends..
Chester’s Way by Kevin Henkes is the story of two friends who do not want to play with the new girl in the neighborhood. One day the new girl rescues the boys from some older boys. From that point on, the boys are glad to have her around. After reading this book, help the children recall the things Chester and Wilson enjoyed together and if Lily could have played with them. Discuss things the children in the class like to do with friends. You might want to plan some special projects which groups of three could do.
The New Friend by Charlotte Zolotow (1968) is the story of two friends who do everything together until one day, one of the girls gets a new friend, The girl who is left out tells us how sad she is. There is not happy ending which leaves it open for children to suggest solutions to her problem. Great to use in small groups or individually to help children deal with the problem of losing a friend or build empathy for others.
The New Girl by Jacqui Robbins (2006) is the story of a new girl in class. One of the class members volunteers to be the new girl’s friend but this is not as easy as we might expect. The teacher in the story talks about making the new girl feel “at home.” This could be a great book to use when you know there will be a new child entering the class. The children could discuss/draw how they could make a new child feel “at home.” They might also make some other special preparation for the new girl. Children could help the teacher place new name tags, help find a spot for her belongings or even make posters welcoming the child.
Best, Best Friends by Margaret Chodos-Irvine is a short simple story of two girls who are best friends until one gets mad at the other. This story is good for helping children understand that friends can get mad and still remain friends. Let children talk about times they got mad at their friends and then help them find ways they can make up with them. Children know they get mad, but may not be sure of what to do next. Help them brainstorm ideas of things to do when one friend is mad.
Other books about friendship include:
Loudmouth George and the New Neighbors by Nancy Carlson (1983)

Earl’s Too Cool for Me by Leah Komaiko (1988)

Friends

Enemy Pie and Recess Queen are books which encourage children to try being nice to others who they think they don’t like. Each teacher will have to decide if these books are appropriate for his or her class. Recess Queen (2002) by Alexis O’Neill and Laura Huliska-Beith is the story of a class bully and how she is befriended by a new girl. Mean Jean is used to bossing the other children around, but Katie Sue doesn’t know about Mean Jean’s reputation. When Katie Sue invites Mean Jean to jump rope with her, she changes how others see Mean Jean.

In Enemy Pie (2002), by Derek Munson. a boy tells his dad he doesn’t like the new boy in the neighborhood. Dad suggests an Enemy Pie. Part of the Enemy Pie plan is to be nice to the new boy, so that he will eat the pie. While playing together, the two boys find they like each other. Turns out the Enemy Pie was really a Friendship Pie.

There are many threes and young fours who may not get the meaning of these books, but for older preschool and kindergarten children they are just right to start a discussion about getting to know others before deciding to you don’t like someone. Teachers might want to share a personal story about friendships with people they thought they wouldn’t like. You may even want to make Friendship Cookies with the class. Find out what kinds of things the children think would make a good Friendship Cookie. If the recipe is simple enough, you could make it each time you have a new child join your class.

For younger, as well as older children, the book Friends by Rob Lewis is more direct. Oscar doesn’t think any of the other rabbits would make good friends, but once he tried doing things they liked to do, he found they were all good friends and happy to do what he wanted to do- go swimming. A good book to open a discussion about how to make friends. Children could come up with some ideas of things friends might want to do together. They might also want to make a drawing of the things they like to do such as play outside, build with blocks. If you graph or chart this, children may find there are many others who like to do the same thing as they do.p>

Don't Forget!

Did you ever forget something important? Sure you did. It happens to all of us, adults as well as children. An new book about a boy named Oscar, will help children see that others also make mistakes. Knowing they aren't the only ones in this situation, helps perfectionists, be more accepting of their errors and feel better about themselves. In the case of Oscar, he forgets to deliver the notes about the town picnic because of his daydreaming. He finds a way to fix the problem and everyone has a great time. Oscar is the main character in the story, Super Oscar by Oscar DeLaHoya. I like this book for a number of reasons: It has both Spanish and English text. The author has a page at the back of the book encouraging children to exercise like Oscar. The story opens the door to conversations about ways to fix problems and that we all make mistakes. The children may be surprised to know that teachers make mistakes too, so be sure to share some of yours. If appropriate, you might discuss solutions to mistakes which have happened in the classroom. You might talk about spilling a drink or taking a possession of a classmate in error. If your children enjoy class made books consider making a forgetting book where children draw add write about a time they forgot something. It could be even more fun to talk about times when an adult forgot something important to the child. The idea that mistakes are not intentional is often a difficult concept for children.

Inservice on Bullying

Lee Ann shared this information about bullying in schools. I thought some of you might also be interested and so I am passing it on to you.

The Pennsylvania Department of Education, Bureau of Special Education is sponsoring a teleconference on Tackling Bullying in Today's Schools

When:
March 20, 2009
Location:
PaTTAN-Pittsburgh
PaTTAN-Harrisburg
PaTTAN-King of Prussia
Various downlink sites across the state

Time:
1:00 - 3:00 pm

Description:
In today's school climate, bullying has moved outside the classroom and the playground into cyberspace. With all students at risk, learn about the social and educational impact of bullying and the programs and policies in place to combat them.

Presenter:
Ted Feinberg, Former Assistant Executive Director, National Association of School Psychologists
Target Audience:
Special educators, regular educators, administrators, guidance counselors, parents, and others interested in learning about cyberbullying.

You may register directly on-line by visiting www.pattan.net and entering the Registration On-line page.

General Registration Information and Questions:
Kristen Olszyk at 412-826-6848 or kolszyk@pattan.net

Kisses and Hugs

This is the time of year, many of us like to read some books about love. Bernice sent a delightful book called Mama's Kisses, by Jane Yolen and illustrated by Daniel Baxter, which would be appropriate not only now, but anytime of the year. If you have ever thrown a kiss to someone, you will most likely enjoy this story. More importantly, so will the receiver of kisses. And, if you have been the thrower of many kisses you have probably been told at least once that the kiss missed. This book solves the mystery of what happens to the missed kisses. Read this book, not for the educational value, but for relationship building. If you want to do a follow up activity, you can have the children draw a picture of where they think those missing kisses go.

Another love story which I often pull out at this time of year is Eve Bunting's The Valentine Bears. The story is best read in small groups or individually since the pencil drawn pictures are full of detail, but little color. I like the story because Mr. and Mrs. Bear demonstrate what a loving, caring relationship looks like.

There are so many good books available about love, I'm sure you have your favorites, still if you want to try out a different one, check out the ones below.

The simple almost wordless book, Hug by Jez Alborough will appeal to the youngest children, but also entice older preschoolers.


The Giant Hug by Sandra Horning and Valeri Gorbachev is the story of a hug which is passed from person to person.

Loving by by Ann Morris and Ken Heyman, shows the way parents around the world express their love for their children.

Taking a Bath with the Dog

Taking a Bath with the Dog and Other Things that Make Me Happy, by Scott Menchin, is a new book I found at Besore Library. This book was just begging me to take it off the shelf and I am so glad I did. The story line is very simple. A little girl is unhappy. She asks others what makes them happy and by the end of the story, she knows what makes her happy too. There is a subtle message that when one person is happy, you can influence the way others feel too.
I would use this book to discuss how we can turn around sad feelings. I might send children off to find out what makes the people and pets in their family happy or we could just make our own book of happiness.

Importance of Routine and Clear Expectations

This week, experiences with two friends reminded me just how important knowing what is expected and following a routine is to some people. While some adults embrace change, many have difficulty with it. I probably fit somewhere in between. I like variety and some change. I can be impulsive and drop everything, if a more interesting offer comes along. My one friend has made it very clear that if she has not had it planned for some time, it is not going to happen. I could call tell her that we could have dinner with the president if we left now, and she would turn me down without a second thought. In many ways she is like another friend who has difficulty if she is not sure of expectations. Working in a situation, in which expectations are not clear, will cause her to simply spin her wheels. I'm sure both of these friends would become physically ill should they be placed in uncertainty for a length of time.


I imagine that by now, you have figured out where I am going with this. Just as many adults need routine and clear expectations, so do children. Maybe even more so than adults. At a recent meeting about behavior problems, it was pointed out to me that children who live in uncertainty often appear to be ADHD. Their behaviors are a reflection of the lifestyle they are living.


As I reflected about my friends, I could see just how difficult these situations would be for children. Just as my friend felt she had no idea of what to do and no control over the changes, children must feel the same way. Just as my other friend finds security and control in a routine, so must children. It is easy for me to understand some of the attitudes children might develop from living with uncertainty for a years. I imagine it could range from withdrawal to "I'm going to do what I want to do since I don't understand what I am suppose to do."


As caregivers and teachers, it is so important to have a routine and prepare children for changes in that routine. It is equally important that we tell children our expectations. And quite often that telling is not enough, we need to show them, let them practice it, and test it. We need to be there to help them when they are not successful, just as we would want our mentors to help us when we do not understand the changes they are asking u to make.