New Books

Bernice kindly sent me a few new books that deal with social emotional issues. Until we were looking for them, I never realized just how many great, social emotional themed, picture books are there for use to use as resources.

Nobody Here but Me ( 2008) is by Judith Viorst and illustrated by Christine Davenier. Many of you will remember Judith Viorst from her book, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. Her new book is about a little boy who wants some attention, but everyone is just too busy for him. While he waits for dad to get off the computer and mom to hang up the phone, he makes plenty of messes, hides from everyone, and finally goes to bed. I think this would be a good books for teachers to read during a parent meeting as well as to children. The books reminds us all how difficult it is to wait for a parent. After reading the book to children talk about things to do while waiting. Find some magazines and help the children make a collage of things to do while waiting.

The Day Leo Said I Hate You by Robie H. Harris and illustrated by Molly Bang. Leo's mom kept saying, "No." She wouldn't let him dance on the table, put beans in the fishbowl, or even squeeze toothpaste down the toilet. Before long Leo said those, powerful and dreaded words, "I hate you." Leo's mom tells Leo that saying that makes people feel really bad. A good story for a parent to read one on one or even for a teacher to read to the group when talking about expressing feeling appropriately. Short simple and easy to read to even those children with a short attention span.

If you liked Audrey Penn's story, The Kissing Hand, you may want to also read her new book, Chester Raccoon and the Big, Bad Bully (2008). The book is illustrated by Barbara L. Gibson. In this story Chester's mom helps him and his friends change the bully badger into a friend.

Just for Fun

A big thank you to Marilyn for sending out this link. It is a fun reminder of the many things our mom said to us and we say to children every day. Makes you understand why experts say to act more and talk less! Take a break from your busy day and visit the link. The smile that comes to your face will be good for you and the children in your care


http://blogs.northlandchurch.net/2008/08/11/the-mom-song/

Shy Children

Shy Charles, by Rosemary Wells, is the story of a very shy mouse. He overcomes his shyness when someone needs his help. This story may help shy children realize that others feel shy too. Maybe some of the children will share about times when they felt shy. It is amazing how much children relate to and can learn from the experiences of other children. You might want to start by telling about a time when you felt very shy and what you did. Discuss that it is ok for people to watch what is going, or ask questions about what they should do. Be sensitive not to attract too much attention to a very shy child as that may make the problem worse.

Here are just a few more ideas to help a shy child.

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  Set up several play areas in your classroom where two children can play.
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  Provide opportunities for children to work in pairs for projects.
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  Find ways to match socially competent children with the shy child. If these children become friends it will build the esteem and skills of the shy child. Sometimes it may be better to pair two shy children together, so one child does not overwhelm the other. Learn to know the child, so can provide the appropriate pairing.
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  Find ways to allow shy children to contribute without speaking.
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  Find the talents of the shy child and and use them to build confidence.
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  Develop a strong relationship with the shy child.
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  Give the shy child a job to do. Start with low risk jobs such as picking up something you drop, closing a door, and then move to "harder" jobs.
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  If the child is hesitant to talk to you directly, use puppets.
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  Prepare all children for new events, visitors, or field trips. Provide extra support beforehand by allowing the child to be near you or another adult. Make sure he knows to come to you if he is starting to be afraid.
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  Do direct teaching of social skills. Teach what to do in various social situation. Demonstrate what to do if someone takes your crayon or pushes in front of you. Watch to make sure the shy child does not become a victim of aggressive children.
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  Observe and document behaviors. If necessary, refer the child for evaluation of a special need or social emotional support. Don't hesitate to ask for professional help. If your child already has an IEP or support plan, reread it for more information which may help you address the needs of the child.

When Adults Get Angry

It happens, we all get angry. Dealing with children on a daily basis brings many rewards, but is also has frustrations. What can we do, so that we can better handle our anger and best be role models to children? I'm by no means an expert, but I have learned a few things through the years. Most of these ideas are good for parents as well as teachers.
Maybe some of them will work for you when the children are getting the best of you.

• When you feel yourself getting louder and louder make an effort to talk as quietly as you can. Whispering in a child’s ear will get his attention and de-escalate the situation.
  
• If you keep talking and no one is listening, just be quiet. Silence often gets more attention that noise.
  
• Take turns with a difficult child. If you feel yourself getting out of control, ask another adult to take over for awhile. I remember as a child I hated to have my hair washed and combed out. On day a neighbor came over and took me to her house and washed my hair and brushed out the tangles. What a treat that must have been for my mom as well as myself.
  
• Don’t take the situation personally. We all do this. We think children are just trying to make us mad, but take a step back and pretend it is someone else’s child. Depersonalize the situation. While you are doing that, take a breath and replay the conflict in your mind. It might just give you a little smile to see yourself arguing with a child as if you are both 5.. You might also discover the thing just isn’t worth fighting about. Whatever has been done, help yourself and the child move forward, by finding a solution or cleaning up the mess. Think more about teaching positive behaviors, not punishing the negative ones.
  
• Find a way to remind yourself to calm down. I used to keep a small poem on my bulletin board. It simply said, "I will not kick, I will not hit, I will not scream, I am the teacher." While I wasn’t kicking and hitting children, it did serve to remind me that I was the adult. I needed to be a role model to the children.
  
• If you are going somewhere and feel that the children are out of control, and you are too, stop and take the children back to a safe place. If you are at the grocery store, go back out to the car or go home. If you are going on a walk and no one is listening, go back inside and regroup. Discuss what needs to be done and try again.
  
• Laugh, say something funny or do something silly. It may be just what is needed to calm negative feelings. This doesn’t mean that you ignore the situation, just that you distract both yourself and the child until you can think more clearly.
  
• If anger is happening daily, talk to someone, so that you can relieve some of the stress and figure out new ways to handle the situation.

Share your ideas on handling anger and frustration.

Normalizing Divorce

Fred Stays with Me ( 2007) by Nancy Coffelt and illustrated by Tricia Tusa is a delightful, simple story about a little girl and her dog. She sometimes stays with her mom and sometimes with her dad, but she always has her dog with her. Neither mom or dad necessarily want a trouble making dog at their house, but they find a way to make it work. While I enjoyed this book, I wondered if children of divorce would and I think they would. It helps children understand that they are not alone in living in two houses and hopefully most of them have a constant with them. While it may not be a real live dog, it could be a favorite blanket or a stuffed animal. There is no judging, no feeling bad about the situation, this is just a funny, comforting story about a what has become a normal lifestyle. Divorced children will be able to feel good as they hear a story about another child living in a similar situation.

When Children Worry

Every now and then you find a child who worries about what could happen. She may worry about tornadoes, germs, and things in the night. Some children will voice these worries, while others do not speak of them. I'm not talking about those children who are living in dangerous situations or who have immediate concerns such as death of a parent. That is a topic much too difficult for me to address. But for those children who do have concerns that are serious to them, but not necessarily an immediate risk, there is much teachers and parents can do to help alleviate those concerns.

Adults need to acknowledge the child's concerns. Take time to reassure the child that you will help them and comfort them. If possible, help them do something about the concern. If they are concerned about weather emergencies, teach them what to do in case of an emergency. Sometimes worries come from children hearing the news on television or during adult conversations. Parents need to be aware of what kinds of adult information children are hearing and try to limit exposure.

Here are a few book related ideas to help children feel less anxious:

Felix the Worrier (2003) by Rosemary Wells and Wemberly Worried by Kevin Henkes are good books to get the children talking about the things that worry them. After reading these, make a class Worry Book. Children can draw about things that worry them. The teacher may start a discussion on worry by talking about her own worries. She may worry children will be get hurt if they are engaging in unsafe behaviors or whatever the current social emotional issue is at the time. Children can then help figure out things the class can do, about this concern. Teachers could do this with their children's worries. You may want to incorporate this as part of class meetings, asking children if there is anything worrying them and then working on that issue. My one caution is that you may have a few children who start to worry about things, that had never occurred to them before, so tread carefully.

If these books are read at the end of the year, they can be used to discuss worries about going to a new school. Teachers could ask the class to contribute to a book designed to help new children not be so worried about coming to preschool the next year. Another twist would be to ask children to talk about things they used to worry about, but has been resolved. So often when you help others conquer their fears, you can ease some of your own.

Silly Billy by Anthony Browne
Billy’s worries keep him up at night until his grandma gives him some worry dolls. A great story with a multi-cultural touch. This is one book I will definitely use in my classroom. It accepts the fact that children do worry about things and gives them a safe way to handle it. I like how the illustrations show Billy’s feelings.- wish he was just a little tougher looking, but both boys and girls will relate to Billy. After discussing things children worry about, give the children a chance to make their own worry dolls or if you have the time make or have a parent make dolls for the children. The children can whisper their worries to the dolls. Dolls can be made from the old fashion straight clothes pins, permanent marker, and a little yarn.

Parents could use this idea at home or they could make a worry box. Write down the child's worries, discuss what to do about the worry, and put note in a specially decorated box. This way you are acknowledging your child's concerns. It may not solve the problem, but it does show your child that you are taking time to hear their worries.

Since I started out talking about Kevin Henkes, I should mention his book, A Good Day. In this book, some unfortunate events happen to the animals at the start of the story, but by the end of the book, the bad day has turned into a good day. I think many children need to hear this theme over and over to help them gain a more positive outlook and to feel a sense of hope that things will get better. I wish I had this book when my grandson was pouting to me this summer that this bad thing or that was going to happen. He needed to hear that one disappointment didn’t necessarily mean the whole day would go wrong. If you have this book handy, you could pull it out whenever there is a class disappointment such as rain on a picnic day and then discuss ways to turn that event into something positive. If you want a humorous book along the same theme, you might want to try That’s Good! That’s Bad! By Margery Cuyler.

Share your ideas about how help children handle their worries.