Helping Those Who Don't Fit In

Earlier this year, I wrote about helping children include others in their play. It all seemed so easy then. Teachers just make it clear that children can't tell others they can't play. I know it is the right way, but when the child who wants to play is annoying and disrupts the play, it sometimes doesn't seem fair to the other children who are engaging in sustained, imaginative play.
As I write this, I am trying to think of solutions for the teacher who brought me this problem. I know we have to teach the "outsider" better skills, but that won't happen over night. Meanwhile, unless the teacher is right there to guide the play, those children who might move onto more advanced play miss out on the opportunity. Staff can try to involve the child in play with others, but again they are spending the majority of their time working on the skills of this one child, while possibly not giving the support to others who need it. The alternative is not a consideration. Teachers can't condone the children excluding, nor can teachers insist the children include and not be there for support. Playing with one child is sometimes easier than playing in a group, so maybe helping this child develop a friendship with one other child would help. Not a perfect solution, but maybe one to try for at least part of center time. If the teacher looks for this child's strengths and has him/her use them, to help other children, it could increase the possibility that others will see him/her in a more positive way. The adults need to make sure the other children see, that adults like this child and thus build the child's social value.
Thank you for being my sounding board on this problem. If you have insight to share, just post it in the comment section.

Language and Social Skills

After attending the Governor's Institute, one of my goals was to teach the children in my class, what to do in various situations. This week we've been talking about anger. We've read several good books on the topic. We talked about what makes us angry and we've discussed using words to talk about problems. Today I sat down with each child and asked him what he does when he is angry. I often rephrased, asking, "How do you make yourself happy?" I was amazed at the insight some of the children had. I was also reminded of the difficulty some children have with language, especially those wh questions and there I was using both what and when. Unfortunately, it is those same children who sometimes have difficulty with behaviors. This could be because they don't understand what is being said or they can't express themselves as well and be understood by others. I have a wonderful speech therapist, who comes to my room every week, but speech and language problems are seldom quickly resolved. Meanwhile the children's self esteem decreases, others begin to label them as problems, they may be less accepted by classmates. I need look at each of these children and determine the best way to teach them the skills they need. Some may need more repetition, others may need to learn to use gestures, still other may need more more visuals such as picture charts. In any case, I know that to be effective, my teaching methods need to reach all the children. We think nothing of individualizing academic skills, but it is just as important to individualize when teaching social skills.
Share your ideas on how to help children who have speech. language and processing delays build social emotional skills.

Teacher Burnout

It probably doesn't take much thought to figure out how teacher burnout affects the social-emotional skills of children. A teacher who is feeling burnt out is less engaged with the children, does not make the extra effort to improve the skills of children, does not empower and help children believe in themselves, and generally is more self focused than child focused. So what can we do to help teachers avoid burnout?
Suggestions that I have read include:

• Clarify what is expected of you.
• Ask for help. This is especially important if problem behaviors are causing the stress. I found this quote on another blog and thought it was quite true, "When a child's behavior is unmanageable and teachers are not supported in finding special help and assessment for the child, learning opportunities for all are diminished. It is also agonizing and extremely stressful." http://teacherswithburnout.blogspot.com/2008/01/stressed-teachers-cant-be-expected-to.html
• Talk to other teachers. The simple act of sharing your feelings can often help. Other teachers may be able to help you problem solve some matters and relieve some of the stress.
• Try to maintain communication with administrators. Unfortunately some administrators impose rules, procedures, or requirements without consulting those who must carry them out. Voice your concerns. Teachers who feel they have no control over what is being required or strongly disagree with what is expected can quickly develop burnout. http://www.ericdigests.org/2004-1/burnout.htm
• Take time off from work, use your sick days, and take that time to recharge yourself. Teachers need to take care of themselves, if they are to take care of others.
• If coworkers are dragging you down, ask for a team building meeting or a transfer.
• Take a class to gain fresh ideas.
• Make a firm decision to keep work at work and eliminate taking the job home. You will never fell refreshed if you carry the stress home with you.
• Exercise or do some other enjoyable activity.
• Find some way to bring more humor into your life.

Remember, it is easier to prevent burnout than it is to recover from the results. Children deserve the best teachers we can give them, so take care of yourself!

Two New Books

Where’s My Mom? By Julia Donaldson and Axel Scheffler
This is the story of a lost monkey and the butterfly who works to reunite him with his mother. The title alone will provide an opportunity to discuss what to do if a child gets lost, and the twist at the end helps children see that not all children look like their parents. It would be natural to follow the story with an activity to help children learn the name of their parents. I like to do this by talking about what I call the parent and then also calling the children by the name of the primary care giver. Aside from the social-emotional value, the book has quite a bit of opportunity to build critical thinking and language skills. Children can be asked to consider how things are alike and different, how you can distinguish one animal from another. You might extend this to have children attempt to describe their primary care giver. If children are developmental ready, graphs could be made about various characteristics of children or parents.

I’m Bad! by Kate and Jim McMullan While I really enjoyed the I Stink and I’m Dirty books by the same authors, I almost decided not to write about this book, after my first read. I thought it just encouraged bad behavior and might be disliked by some of the children especially the girls. I decided to see what others had to say and all I found were glowing reviews. They pointed out that the story shows that even the toughest of the tough guys needs mom and even the toughest creatures don’t always get their way. All of this reminded me that I need to read books that will appeal to the tough guys in my class. As much as I might think the children would benefit from a book, such as Making Friends by Fred Rodgers, if the tough guys tune me out, they gain nothing from it. So use your best big, loud, bad voice as you enthusiastically read, I’m Bad!, it just might get the attention of the child who needs it most.

Dr. Steven Tobias

During the Thursday session, of The Governor's Institute on Early Learning, Dr. Steven Tobias, from the Center for Child and Family Development in New Jersey, impressed upon us the importance of social skills and encouraged us to look at how what adults do influences these skills. He made us all laugh when he suggested we "Shoot the lead buffalo." No, he wasn’t suggesting we all get out our guns, but simply pointing out that if we can improve the behavior of the ringleader we can improve the behavior of the whole class.

A few of the many other ideas which I took back from his lecture were:
When a child has a tantrum or is upset about something, empathize with the child because nagging and reasoning won’t work.
Negative feedback often leads to more problems.
It is very important for parents to have fun with their children.
In today’s busy society, parents spend less than an hour actually being with their children.
Success is 80% emotional intelligence.
Children who are insecure have trouble with delay of gratification.
When teaching children a new skill, tell them why the skill is important and how it will help them get what they want.
Use natural and logical consequences to avoid battles. If the adult needs to enforce the consequence they should do it with empathy and not anger.

You can learn more by reading the book, Emotionally Intelligent Parenting: Raising a Responsible, Self-Disciplined and Socially Skilled Child, coauthored by Dr. Tobias, Maurice Elias, and Brian Friedlander. It was published in January 1999.

Dr. Janet Patti

Dr. Janet Patti, who is a founding member of the Leadership Team of the Collaborative for Academic Social Emotional Learning and a professor of Education Administration and Supervision Program at Hunter College, spoke to us during the Wednesday session of the Governor’s Institute for Early Learning. Her topic was Creating Caring and Safe Communities of Learning. She discussed building learning communities in Schools, but her focus was on the importance of Emotional Intelligence Theory and ways teachers can build emotional intelligence and social skills in children. She made us aware of the dramatic impact early childhood teachers can make on a child’s future. I found the statistics about the effects of using social emotional programs in schools significant. Research shows that 44%of the children will have better test scores and there will be a 30% reduction in disruptive and aggressive behaviors. It is easy to see how these go hand in hand. Teachers who need to spend less time handling disruptive behaviors can spend more time teaching which benefit all children. And on the other side, if children are not engaged in disruptive behaviors, they are more likely to be engaged in learning. Teachers have a responsibility to make sure all children feel included and safe in the classroom.
Dr. Patti encouraged teachers to reflect on how a teacher who is adept at teaching social -emotional skills teaches. She suggested that teachers need to examine themselves to determine how they would like their classrooms to look and how they themselves would like to teach.
Just as it is important for teachers to look at themselves and their own feelings, they need to help students learn about their own feelings. Teachers need to teach children how to problem solve. I thought I was doing this well, but after hearing her talk, I realized that just because one child come up with a solution or compromise, I need to make sure that solution also works for all children involved. For instance, after one child tries to take a toy from another, the child who is the taker may problem solve that the two can play with the toy together. I often forget to ask the victim, if that is ok. Maybe that child had other plans or would like to finish and then give the toy to the first child. Helping victims stand up for themselves is just as important as curbing aggressive behaviors.
For more information visit the CASEL website. It has a wealth of information to help teachers from Pre-K to high school. www.casel.org

Dr. Amy McCart

I think all of us at the Governor’s Institute, enjoyed hearing from Dr. Amy McCart, a Research Assistant Professor at the University of Kansas. She took research theory and put it in everyday practical terms, adding lots of humor and real life examples in her presentation.
Dr. McCart urged us to approach behavior issues in the same manner as we do academic issues. When a child has problems learning an academic skill, good teachers analyze what the problem might be and they re-teach the skill. If we take time to reflect on behavior issues, and then teach the skill the child needs to be successful, many behavior problems should be reduced.
One way we can reflect on behavior problems is to use the ABCs. First, look at what happened before the behavior, the A, or antecedent. This might be Billy walked in the room and saw Sally playing with his favorite toy. Next, look at what happened, or the (B) behavior. This might be that Billy went in the corner and cried. Then, look at the (C) consequence. This might be that Billy gets attention from adults or it might be that Sally feels sorry from him and gives him the toy. The consequence is sometimes hard to determine, but it is not necessarily a "punishment" handed down by a teacher. Dr. McCart also suggested there might be a setting event, which possibly happened earlier in the day. This could be that Billy was tired or hungry or maybe he had a fight with his brother before coming to school. If it is possible to address the setting event, the negative behavior may be eliminated or reduced. After gathering the above information, try to determine the goal of the behavior. The goal is something the child wanted to obtain or escape. At times a behavior may have more than one function. In this case, we may decide that Billy wanted the toy, but maybe he also wanted our attention or wanted help in getting the toy. Without additional information, it appears that Billy does not have the language, self confidence, and/or social skills, to obtain his goal of adult attention/help or having a turn with the toy. If we look at this as an academic issue, we can see that Billy needs to be taught what to do when he wants something. Teaching him how to get help or how to ask for a turn will decrease the behavior and build his pro-social skills.

Dr. McCart made many other excellent points:

• 
  If a teacher is has more than 3-5 children with problems, the teacher should look at changing what she is doing. As we all know, each group of children is different. Possibly the current class needs more movement or more structure.
• 
  Teachers should look at their most hectic time and work to teach the children what to do at that time. For me this is right before lunch. Staff are busy trying to get lunches ready, some children are passing out tableware, others need to have an activity to do while waiting, and still others may be washing hands to get ready for lunch. I need to think through exactly how things should happen and then teach that procedure to the children.
• 
  Teachers should model more and talk less. In my lunch scenario above, I can tell the children to place one plate at every chair, but taking time to show them is more effective.

3 New Books

Bernice shared three new library books with me this week. She was right, they are really cute and right on target for helping children learn social-emotional skills. The first one I read, was Yoko Writes Her Name by Rosemary Wells. Yoko is very pleased to be able to write her name in Japanese, but the other children make fun of her scribbling. Yoko worries about this, but before long the other children come to appreciate Yoko’s secret language. This book will help children learn about and respect other’s cultures. The book shows numbers and several words in Japanese. Children who are already able to write numbers may want to try the Japanese writing. If you are fortunate to know another language or have a parent or child who does, they can teach some words from that language. It might be a good time to add a CD with other languages to your listening center. Using music and songs from various cultures would also build appreciation. Don’t forget to include some sign language in your teaching. As our community becomes more diverse, it is important to help children accept and appreciate others.

Gorgonzola by Margie Palatini and illustrated by Tim Bowers is the story of a stinky dinosaur. This funny story will help children understand the importance of personal hygiene. Use caution, if you have a child in your class who has a noticeable problem as it could be embarrassing, but for most classroom, this book will be an attention getting introduction on how to take care of one self. You can act out taking a bath or shower, make a class book about personal care, or put dolls, soap, wash clothes, toothbrushes in the water table and let the children clean the dolls. If you have plastic dinos, it would be fun to wash those, too. Providing real life activities reinforces the child’s learning.

As a child, I would have been attracted to the book, Mail Harry to the Moon by Robie H. Harris and illustrated by Michael Emberly. Just as the boy in this story, I felt life was perfect before my baby brother came along. In the end, the boy comes to appreciate his baby brother, just as I have mine! No matter how hard parents may try to prepare children for the birth of a new baby, some children still have a difficult time adjusting to sharing their parents. This book opens to the door for a class to discuss the good (and bad) things about having a sibling. After hearing this story, I wouldn’t be surprised to see children acting out the role of big sister or brother in the pretend center. Pretending is a good way for children to work out their feelings, so be sure to support this kind of imaginative play. You may be able to help them problem solve what to do when parents are busy with the new baby by joining in the play and taking the role of the big brother.

Socially, Emotionally Healthy Children

One of the main speakers at the Governor's Institute was Dr. M. Ann Levett. She is the Executive Director of the School Development Program at the Child Study Center at Yale University. She spoke to us on Restoring the Spirit to Preschool Education: Recognizing the Value of Social and Emotional Development. Dr. Levett reviewed factors in the social and emotional development of young children and the adult's role in the development of healthy children. We all see the increasing pressure for academic success at an early age, but as Willard Hartup ( 1992) found, "The single best childhood predictor of adult adaptation is not IQ, school grades, or classroom behavior. Rather it is the adequacy with which the child gets along with other children." Hartup also found that, "unless children achieve minimal social competence by age six, they have a high probability of being at risk throughout life."
Dr. Levett suggested that we can identify socially, emotionally healthy children by the following abilities:

• separate from family members without extreme stress
• form an attachment with an adult at school
• conform to routines without too much difficulty or stress
• involve themselves in play
• have an aware of their own and other's feelings

She went on to suggest that adults can help promote positive social-emotional skills in children by:

• building confidence
• helping students learn to like themselves as well as others
• modeling the desired behaviors
• assisting children to build positive relationships with other children
• developing a sense of being valued, in children
• praising appropriate behaviors
• offering children choice, thereby giving them some control over their life
• providing opportunities to cooperate, interact and problem solve conflicts with others
• encouraging children to be generous
• helping children understand others by taking on the role of others
• promoting healthy behaviors

Dr. Levett had us question the consequences of focusing on the cognitive development of preschool children, when research points to the importance of social, emotional skills. years, the local kindergarten teachers have told me basically the same message; if a child comes to school with strong social-emotional skills, they will be ready to learn academic skills. Take a few minutes to reflect on how you can help develop socially, emotionally healthy children.

To learn more about Dr. Levett's work go to http://www.schooldevelopmentprogram.org/index.html

Helping Children By Helping Parents

I truly believe that one of the best was to teach children pro-social skills is to help parents handle behavior issues, but lately I've been wondering about this. What makes one parent better able to handle behavior problems? As I look around my neighborhood, I am amazed how some parents just seem to know the right thing to do. I don't remember being that competent at their age. Of course I have my own ideas and I'm sure there is no one right answer, but I'm interested in what others think. Once we know what makes one parent better able to handle problems, we can teach those skills to other parents. So what do you think? I recently had one parent tell me, she felt she was a better parent because she learned from the mistakes made by her own mother. Sometimes, I think it has more to do with how a parent feels about him or herself. If a parent is feeling competent and capable, he or she is better able to be consistent. But, I also know some people who feel pretty competent, but I wouldn't want to imitate their methods. So join in the discussion and comment on what skills, traits, experiences, or competencies do you need to be better able to handle behavior issues?

CART Kits

In Franklin County, we are lucky to have CART kits. These kits were a Chambersburg District Library project. There are sets in McConnellsburg and Waynesboro, as well as at Coyle. The idea originally came from Pittsburgh libraries so they may be available at other libraries. These kits are collections of books, on a specific topic.

Kit number 40 is devoted to the topic of feelings. Books included in this kit are:

Will You Come Back for Me? by Ann Tompert and illustrated by Robin Kramer. This is the story of a little girl, Suki, who is unsure about starting school. As she pretends to take her bear to school and drop him off, she expresses her own concerns about being left at school. If this is a problem for your child or children in the classroom, it might be helpful for you to provide the props for him or her to role play the experience of a parent leaving a child at school. Either way the book is a good discussion started of how it feels when a parent leaves a child in a new place.
Feelings by Aliki is probably better read one on one or at least to children with a good understanding of books. The book is wonderful at helping children understand what others might be feelings in different circumstances.
The Hating Book by Charlotte Zolotow, illustrated by Ben Shecter. Two little girls have a misunderstanding and the one expresses negative thoughts about the girl. Things are finally resolved when the mom suggests she talk to her friend. A good story to help children see how misunderstandings can happen. The misunderstanding in this story is about what one person thought the other said about her. When I was a Girl Scout, we used to play a game in which the first person would whisper something to the next and the message would go around the circle. Most often by the time the message got to the last person, it was very different. Try this with your class and help them see, if you want to know what someone said, you need to ask that person.
The Saddest Time by Morma Simon pictures by Jacqueline Rodgers This is a book I hope you never need to use. It is divided into sections and talks about different people dying. There is one short section about a child dying and the classmate's reaction. The class draws pictures for the child’s parents.
Other books in this kit are:
The Knight Who was Afraid of the Dark by Barbara Shook Hazen,
Weird Parents by Audrey Wood
Let’s Be Enemies by Janice May Udry
Guess How Much I Love You by Sam McBratney
I Was So Mad by Mercer Mayer