When Sophie Gets Angry

One of my favorite books about anger is When Sophie Gets Angry- Really, Really Angry.. by Molly Bang. It is the story of a little girl with an explosive temper, but luckily Sophie is able to calm down after taking a walk. Before reading the story ask the children to think of a time when they were really angry. Afterwards point out how Sophie was able to calm down. Make sure the children understand the word calm. Depending on the needs of the children, discuss things the children do when really angry (not everyone yells as Sophie did), what things are ok and which are not, and ways to calm down after being angry. Encourage the children to find a place in the room where they may go when they are really angry. They can name the spot and might even want to put some fun/calming items close by. Others should know to let the angry child alone. If your class is able they could each make a book or picture about when they get angry. Or make a group book about calming actions, When We Get Angry, We Can...... The more you read it, the more automatic it will be for the children to recall these calming activities when they need them.

Pro-Social Books for Boys

Emotions and the actions that go with them can be so strong, it is no wonder that children notice and imitate how adults handle their feelings. So it should not be a surprise that we find little boys imitating how the men in their lives handle anger and fear. If those experiences have included seeing the main male role figures act in an aggressive manner, little boys will do the same. It is what they have been taught to do.
I’m not saying that every child who hits, has a negative role model at home. I know first hand that some children simply lash out at others even though they have not been exposed to aggression. Those children seem to be flooded with strong emotions and just don’t know what else to do.
No matter the cause, it is clear why helping children learn how to handle feelings can be an essential and difficult task for teachers of young children.
With the help of Bernice and the local library staff, I’ve been able to find many books which can help build social emotional skills in children, but books which show boys using positive ways to deal with problems, anger, and fear are harder to find. If you know of any good read alouds, that show males positively handling these issues, please share them.

ABCs of Behavior

I’ve had my 4 year grandson visiting with me for a few weeks. I was tempted to tell you his behaviors are within the normal range, but one of the speakers at the Governor’s Institute told us, "Normal is a setting on a dryer." His visit has given me an opportunity to look first hand at the ABCs of behavior. If you want to try, first look at the antecedent to see what happens right before the behavior. This also includes the time of day, the people who are or are not present. Next look at the behavior. What is the child doing? How long does the behavior last? What is the function of the behavior- either to obtain something or to escape something, and finally what are the consequences? We were also taught there could be setting events. This might be that the child did not get enough sleep or was overly excited about some event. You may need to write down your observations for a few days, but after some reflection, you should be able to gain some insight and possibly provide for the child’s needs before the behavior escalates. If you find a child wants control, try to find other ways to give the child some choice or control in life. If the child is trying to escape from participating in an event, help build the child’s skills so he or she is better prepared for the activity or teach a more appropriate way to escape. You might notice that the child is getting exactly what he or she wants through the behavior. If the child is trying to control you and succeeds, the behavior has worked and will most likely be repeated.

If you want to know more check out the link http://challengingbehavior.fmhi.usf.edu/fba.htm or ask questions in the comment section. I might not have the answers, but others in the community may. Got to go....and make sure waking up, this morning, is a positive setting event for a wonderful day in the life of my special 4 year old :)

Class Meetings

This week, I’ve been reading about class meetings in Dan Gartrell’s, The Power of Guidance. It was a great read for me, because it made me feel good about what I’ve been doing, but still gave me ways to improve my methods. Just as I was starting to think I figured this out on my own, I read that the concept of class meetings came from the work of Glasser (1969) who suggested "magic circles." When I first started teaching, we used a Magic Circle curriculum book. Most likely, what I have been doing, I learned from that experience. Turns out I’m really not all that smart, just really old:(
If you haven’t tried class meetings, I urge you to give them a try, not just once, but for several months. You will see a "noticeable difference in the social climate" of the group. Class meetings are great for building a sense of community, teaching social skills, and building leadership. I like using them because it takes a tiny bit of the responsibility for the classroom off the teacher and gives it to the children. If you don't like to give up "control", class meetings will be harder for you, but it is worth the effort.
Not all meetings need to be scheduled but Gatrell suggests that you plan to have two meetings a day. I didn’t plan mine that often. He also says to establish guidelines at the start. These would have to do with listening to and respecting others. While you can pose open ended questions for the group to discuss, I usually had mine right after center time and discussed how to solve problems, both mine and the children's. Cleaning up the room, hurting the feelings of others, sharing, using a soft voice, and safety issues were probably the most frequent topics discussed. We also used them to plan or discuss upcoming events. Towards the end of the year, the children did a great job planning a "Cow Party." during an impromptu meeting. I didn’t even realize that it qualified as an official class meeting until I read the book. Turns out "planning, sharing, evaluating, and celebrating project activities" is another use of a class meeting.
I can see value in using group meetings even if you aren’t in a regular class room. In almost any group setting, you can begin the session by taking a few minutes to explain what is going to happen and talk with the group about what they can do to make it successful. In a multi-age group, you could mention a task that might be hard for some of the children. Children could suggest ways they could help others and how to indicate help was needed. If you need to move to another area of the building, the children could suggest a safe way for the group to move, without disturbing others in the building. If you anticipate a problem, ask the children to help you problem solve before it happens. You will be teaching problem solving skills, empowering the children, and most likely have a good solution for the problem.
If you want to know more, or would like to share your successes with class meetings, please do so in the comment section.

Website "Under Construction

I am building a website for our items which are too lengthy to post here and links that we want to make available to everyone. Please let me know what sites you recommend. I have not had time to preview the ones recommended at the Institute. Please forward me any that have your seal of approval. If you want to view the basic site go to www.freewebs.com/frcowholechild. It links back to the blog, here, already.

A Class Full of Boys

It looks like my class could be almost 80% boys this fall. I’ve had this ratio twice before and each time it took me several months to get the class to where I felt the children were ready to learn academics. I’ve been reading and rereading a chapter, about guiding boys in the classroom and I think the suggestions will help me get off to a better start. The chapter is from the book The Power of Guidance by Dan Gartrell.
I plan to work on ways to incorporate more large movement opportunities , more outdoor learning times, more sensory experiences, more opportunities for appropriate experimentation into the day, and to create a larger block building area. I might even try to find a way to create a second building area, since I know several of the returning boys like to work quietly on their constructions.
I think the harder part will be to remember to try to think differently about the way I help children with loud, aggressive behaviors. I want to try to remember that children who appear angry may really be feeling sad or even fearful. Children, but especially boys, may have learned that it is ok to show anger, but not fear or sadness. Since the boys may have had male role models who handle strong emotions with aggressive behaviors, I need to find some picture books which show boys finding other ways to handle problems. I always work hard to make sure the children understand my expectations and what appropriate behavior looks like, but this will be even more important this year. I also want start out making sure that children recognize the emotion of anger. I want to teach them to let a teacher know when someone is angry, so we can help them handle their own or another’s anger. And finally, I’ve got to remember that even the toughest of the tough guys need to be nurtured, cuddled and given lots of positives.

The chapter has many more suggestions, which I’ll probably need to reread come the middle of September :) For now, I hope that "writing it down" will help make this info become a part of me because that’s what I’ll need, in order to use it during the heat of the conflict!.

I’d love to hear other ideas on the best way to start out with a class full of boys.

Who Needs You Most?

By now we all know the importance of teaching children to problem solve when there is a conflict. Teachers often put most of their energy ( teaching, reflecting, having meetings) into improving the skills of the child who has the "problem" behavior, but in The Power of Guidance, David Gartell points out that "Too often the victim stays a victim (in the child's own eyes and the eyes of others) vulnerable to future violence." Many times, the victim is comforted and the teaching of skills focused on the "perpetrator." While I figured out, quite awhile ago, that if you teach the other children what to do when someone is bothering them, negative behaviors will decrease, I'm not sure I realized just how important it was to the self esteem of the victimized child to build his or her skills. Who needs you most? They both do.

Sense of Community

Every year in the classroom makes me realize more and more how important it is to build a sense of community in the classroom. I may have rebelled against this concept, for awhile, remembering back to when teachers punished the whole class because of the misbehavior of one. My teachers should have read the book, A Matter of Trust by Carolee Howes and Sharon Ritchie. They could have taught us how to help, and include, the children with problem behaviors. Now I know just how valuable a sense of community can be in a classroom, even a classroom of young children. Children who have opportunities to work together in a group, and learn to care about others who are having difficulty, gain skills which will be valuable throughout their life. Teachers who work to include all the children will find the all children have more pro-social behaviors.

How can you build a sense of community? I'm still learning, but here is part of what I know:

• Get to know each child and their strengths.
• Build a relationship with each child in the classroom.
• Make every effort to include each child in group activities, especially circle time.
• Role model how to help others.
• Have a positive attitude about children with less desirable behaviors. If you don't like one of the children, the other children will know and will treat that child the same way.
• Help the group solve group problems, set the rules and feel a sense of ownership of the classroom.
  

Please share your ideas and successes on building a sense of community, so we all can learn more. Just click on the comment link.

Wanna Play?

Play is such a simple word, yet so very important. Active and imaginative play is all about learning: learning to problem solve, learning about social interactions, emotions, language, and learning fine and gross motor skills. Sustained engagement in imaginative play is really a cognitive skill.

Your child already knows how to play, but if you’ve forgotten, you might want to check out the book, Unplugged Play, No Batteries, No Plugs, Pure Fun. This book by Bobbi Conner has over 700 ideas for ages 12 months to 10 years. It is designed for parents, but I plan to use it to rejuvenate my lesson plans. Ideas range from setting up a pretend shoe store to birthday party ideas. There are plenty of active games to get children moving.

If you want to build your relationship with your child and promote healthy development, just go ask your child, "Wanna play with me?"

Interested in more information about the importance of play? Read the article, The Importance of Play in Promoting Healthy Child Development and Maintaining Strong Parent-Child Bonds, from the American Academy of Pediatricians at http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/XJ&sdn=stress&cdn=health&tm=96&gps=286_153_1020_542&f=20&su=p674.5.336.ip_&tt=2&bt=0&bts=0&zu=http%3A//www.aap.org/pressroom/play-public.htm

Picture Books That Build S/E Skills

Once or twice a month, we will be sharing some books you can use in the classroom to build social emotional skills. This month I chose three books which are good for the start of school. Please share your favorite beginning of the year books in the comment section.

I’ve been looking for a good new book to use at the beginning of school. Just today, I discovered Jack’s Talent by Maryann Cocca-Leffler (2007). I found the book on the shelf at Besore Library in Greencastle, but it can be borrowed through the library system. This picture book is about the first day of school. The teacher asks each child to share a special talent. The text is simple, making this an easy read for early in the year. It is a great book for encouraging the children to talk about their special talents. Children will feel good about themselves and get to know their classmates in the process. Teachers should be prepared with a few ideas for those children who cannot think of a special talent. One idea for expanding this book, would be to send home a small poster for each child to decorate with his or her parents. Make sure parents understand that they will need to indicate a special talent for their child. The children bring these back to school and share them with classmates. If you use name tags, you might want to represent the child’s special talent on those. As a follow up, the teacher may want to graph the special talents. Your main focus is to help children feel good about themselves and their classmates.


Another book that is nice for the beginning of the year is Chrysanthemum by Kevin Henkes (1996). I’ve been using this one for years and the only problem is that it is a bit wordy for some younger children. You can paraphrase and children will still be able to comprehend the story line. Chrysanthemum loves her name until others make fun of it. Eventually Chrysanthemum feels better about her name and is happy once more. One I do every year is graph how many letters is in each child’s name. While I usually focus on the literacy aspect, it is a good time to have children be proud of their names. If you send a note home beforehand, parents can talk with children about why they were given their name. Children may want to share this with the class.
Just discussing names will help the children learn to know each other. You could extend this by helping the children make special personalized name tags for use in the classroom or play name bingo depending on the children’s skills.

You might want to focus on the behaviors and feelings in the story. Children can draw about a time when they felt sad or how Chrysanthemum felt at the middle and end of the story. Talk about how feelings can change. Another focus might be how we should treat classmates. There is so many learning possibilities with this story, I’m sure you will think of even more than I have.

A third book, I've used to ease those first day jitters is The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn(1993). You can use it to discuss the many ways children may feel about the first day of school- excited, happy, sad, nervous and so on. You may want to graph the way children are feeling.

Keep Calm?

Like Kay, I have continued to read some of the materials from the institute. I stumbled, this morning, on to a passage that reminded me of a revelation at the institute. Maybe the following is a no-brainer to some, but it helped me understand some difficult moments in parenting:

Were you ever in an argument with someone and they told you to calm down? Wasn't that helpful? Didn't you respond by thanking them for making
you aware that you were getting out of control? No? We are not surprised.
Believe it or not, children do not appreciate being told to calm down, either.
The reason for this is that you cannot calm others down, they can only calm
themselves down.

-- Elias, Maurice J., Steven E. Tobias, and Brian S. Friedlander. Emotionally Intelligent Parenting, Three Rivers Press, c1999. Pp. 111-112.

One of our speakers refered to this as "flooding"; that while it only takes a person about 15 seconds to get upset, it usually takes them at least 15 minutes to calm down. During that time they are not listening to communications. It is best to give them a quiet place on their own to just relax and unwind.

Importance of Teacher-Child Relationships

While taking part in the activities at the Governor’s Institute, we were required to read selections from a number of books. I have continued reading the book, A Matter of Trust by Carollee Howes and Sharon Ritchie. The book emphasizes the importance of positive teacher -child relationships and how those relationships influence children’s behavior. While I have not finished the book, I felt their ideas on how to build a positive relationship with the children was important enough to write about.
The authors discuss the importance of responding to the children with positive, individualized attention. They stress the need to be sensitive to children’s needs and to validate their feelings.
I found their ideas about using Teacher Talk especially interesting. Teacher Talk refers to phrases which the teachers use over and over. Comments, such as those offering help and modeling problem solving skills, help children feel secure as well as teaches them ways to talk out problems. I’m want to be more conscious of this when I go back in the classroom. As expected they remind teachers to be consistent and firm, avoid power struggles, support positive behaviors, and have high expectations.
Something, I never thought about before, was that teachers who have a positive relationship with a mentor often end up having better relationships with the children. The premise is that being able to reflect with someone helps a teacher grow. I think there much truth in that. Thank you to Kathy, Ellen, Jamie, and Cindy for filling that role for me.
To learn more information about these ideas or the theory behind them, check out the book, A Matter of Trust.